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Ahh, the life of a monopoly 'service' provider
Technical Bear
Fucking amazing.  After talking to the possibly human, more likely automated response drone at comcast (I think 'Chad' would have failed the Turing test), my latency dropped from 2600ms to about 8ms, and my throughput went from 885kbps down/34kbps up to 4000kbps down/307kbps up.   But, much like the phone company, nothing was wrong with their end.  Nope, nothing at all.  Nothing to see here, move along.

I remember calling the phone company, back when I had a land line.  "There is horrible noise on the line."  Two seconds pass.  "Everything appears good from here, would you like me to send a tech out at $80 an hour to check your wiring?"  "No, I don't think the wiring has changed since it worked." ...
The next day the line was noise free.  But no, no issues at the phone company.

Edit: Nevermind. The latency is better, but it must have been the clean spot of the day - latency is currently averaging 1800ms, download down to 2600kbps and upload at a blazing 31kbps. I did ask the automaton if they had SLAs for latency of minimum speeds. I think that is the question that broke the response module and thus they failed the Turing test - I received no response to that....