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Polite, yet firm
Badtz-Maru
vanaabegra
I have a technology tool. It is software. It collects data. In order to collect data more granular than hour averages, I need to know ahead of time so that I can tell it to do something different. I tell every development team and testing staff member this, repeatedly. So, when I get an email an hour after something is complete and then asked for statistics, I really want to say, Great, thanks, cannot do it, data does not exist, goddamn listen next time.

What I really need is polite yet firm way to say
Remember what I told you 18000 fucking times about telling me the day before so I can schedule it? Yeah, do that. And you go tell your team that you forgot. Again.

Usually I just say, great, tomorrow I will give you one hour averages for that time period. And then remind them if they want something more granular they need to tell me at least one business day in advance.

You might think after seeing that once or twice and asking for more detailed data, they might start to understand. As it turns out, no, they just do not get it.

And there is another team - the one I vented about before. Your application took 30 minutes to parse xml for 30 users and took over 2.4CPUs (1200+ MHz Sun Ultrasparc processors) to do it. Something in your application is wrong. Please fix it. So the next time they run, it take 1.4 processors instead of 2.4. But what do they not tell me? That is right, how many users and how long each took. Then they say, Is it better? And I tell them (the same thing over the next 3 tests) "I don't know, you haven't told me how many users or how much time each. But here are the system statistics, please let me know what business volume was used for the test and the response time." Their solution - just not tell me they are testing anymore. Which makes me mad, since if they do get to production, my data is called into question if there is an issue. Since they fail, I get to jump on their head by calling down the power of those who can prevent applications from going live. Thus endeth the lesson.
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